Gratitude is defined as “the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.”
Reciprocity is a large theme of the expression of gratitude that implies a relationship between one’s self and another, even if only on an energetic level. With the holiday season approaching, many of you may be wondering what to get those you are thankful for. The following list is here to help inspire you to act on your gratitude and make those you care about feel loved.
*To clarify, the following list isn’t a list of generic Christmas present ideas. It is a guide to conveying gratitude that can be used at any time of day on any day of the year. This is a guideline to help strengthen ties with loved ones through a simple (but profound) set of expression techniques. Please enjoy!!
- Words of Affirmation
An incredibly close friend of mine is great at this one! He is vigilantly aware of others and their actions, and he makes a point of complimenting people when they are good to others. Within a community, it is an incredibly elegant way of making people feel seen and heard for their actions (as long as it’s done in a genuine way). Sometimes, this type of language can have the strongest effect on others, as it speaks to the core of who the listener is. If you say, “Darla, I appreciate the way you care about others’ happiness,” you are influencing her good behavior and how she identifies positively as a person. Letting friends and family know you recognize them in a positive light can strengthen their sense of community and identity.
- Quality Time
This act of gratitude begs the question, “What do we consider to be quality time?” And whose quality time is it? When you’re the one showing gratitude, you might come up against a conflict of interest in choosing a space to share with your friend or family member. Do you like books while your friend likes hiking? Maybe agree to check out the outdoor scene first and foremost (if the weather permits), as a sign of gratitude for your friend’s personal preferences. Still, remember to find something you both enjoy at the end of the day, this way you both leave the experience happy and that much closer.
- Acts of Service
Many acts of service can be incredibly small and effortless, but make a huge difference. What small detail of your friend’s day would be made better if it were already taken care of? An act of service should help and support the person you’re grateful for without making life too difficult for them in the process of receiving the service.
- Gifts
Okay, okay…so maybe gifts aren’t the worst thing in the world. You’re telling me you wouldn’t want a little present from someone you care about? Finding the proper gift can be boiled down to the following questions: What does he/she like? What does he/she need? How much am I budgeting for the occasion? The answer could be a simple “I’m buying gloves for my friend Kelsey because she needs them, and the budget it $5!” The point is you’re showing them you care about their well being and personal interests enough to get them something from their personal list!
- Physical Touch
This next one isn’t for everyone. Sometimes, you’ll befriend a super-introvert who just wants your company in the room. Other times, you’ll befriend someone who wants to jump on your back for a piggyback ride and hold your hand and skip. I am unapologetically the latter. Skipper is my middle name! Just kidding. It’s Salvo.
Gage your audience, and notice if they appreciate a hug or pat on the back every once in a while. If your friend feels uncomfortable with a hug or pat on the back, know that your friend may need a different and distanced form of support and trust from you that can still be gratifying for them. We don’t have a clear-cut formula for what sort of person will be affected by a hug versus those who will rather a pat on the back (or those who don’t need you to be near them at all). Just be attentive to what your friend needs, and the more you listen, the more you’ll intuitively understand how you can help this person reach their best self and help them feel loved and supported through your gratitude.
Just in time for Thanksgiving! Take these tips and use them to strengthen friend and family relationships!
Now go out and fly.
Lindsay
The five categories of gratification are referenced from The Five Love Languages, written by Gary Chapman.
